Reflection

Do you ever wonder what life was like this time last year, or the year before in fact? I know i do. It pretty much takes up quite a lot of my time. I know that at last years work christmas party i was passed out on the toilet floors at 8.30pm ... not a wise move. This year however i lasted all the night, all the way into the early hours of the morning. I had a good time, but it made me realise how different my life is this year compared to last year. However at the same time, it really isn't much different at all. I know for a fact that there are certain aspects in my life that are exactly the same as last year, but there are some aspects that are completely different. I am entirely grateful for the things that are completely different as they are what have made my life that little bit better to cope with things recently. 

I know that there is still one major problem in my life that i am still struggling to overcome and that i feel like i have reached a never ending road that the same obstacles keep coming up in the way and i can't over come them. This aspect of my life TOTALLY SUCKS and i am actually sick and tired of it. I can't help thinking how much time it wastes in my life and how much effort it consumes within going from my day to day troubles. 

I know that there is one part of my life that is definitely different. 

For a long time i have been left feeling unwanted, useless, unhappy, scared, fearful, but for once i am feeling as though i have a group of people at school and out of school that i can turn to when things get tough. They may not necessarily know my entire life story and they may not understand the turmoil that i have to endure daily, but they are always there to put a smile on my face and make me laugh. I prefer them not knowing my secrets because otherwise they may treat me differently and that would hurt even more than anything. 

There are however still those wants and desires that i long for ever so desperately. I wish these would go away and leave me in peace so i would not have all my time taken up being concerned about it. 

I now know that i do have a future ahead of me. I may be totally unsure of what i want to do with my life, i keep questioning whether i should make the decision and go to University, but to study what i just don't know yet. That is what is holding me back from making that leap. The future is a scary thing to think about, all i can hope is that it will be promising and i won't end up making a bad decision that i will regret for the rest of my life. 

As i am coming up to the end of 2012, i want to write about everything that has happened this year to me. I will let out my secret of this past year so that maybe someone else out there going through this torture, will know that you're not alone.