You're Out to Get Me

Paranoia is a fear. It is an unfounded or exaggerated distrust of others, sometimes reaching delusional proportions. Paranoid individuals cannot help but to constantly suspect the motives and actions of others around them and they share a strong belief that people are "out to get them."

Looking for this definition made me feel quite shocked and overwhelmed. I didn't realise that paranoia was a mental health illness as such which made me feel even more humiliated than usual. I know that i do suffer from Paranoia, and i do agree with some of the symptoms listed under the definition. Some of these symptoms are incredibly relatable to my own life and my own journey that i am currently undergoing. For me, being Paranoid has to be one of the down sides of going about daily tasks. School and the being out in public is where my paranoia truly sets in. 

Being around people that don't really know truly everything about me makes things easier, but at the same time i do wish that they knew some of what i am going through as maybe, just maybe they may be a little more considerate and understanding about how they end up acting. There is one class at school that i feel so humiliated and embarrassed in throughout the entire lesson. I don't say anything because i don't want to cause a fuss and i hate it when people feel sorry for me. I can fight my own battles, i have been doing so very well for the past 2 years of my life. I hate it when people cannot accept that i can fight for myself and i can deal with things on my own accord. It just takes time to get there and for me to feel comfortable enough to tell someone to "shut up" or to "piss off." I just wish that i had to confidence and guts to do it now and didn't let my life be over run over this fear of Paranoia.

My trip to the Lake District this year allowed me to get away, maybe not how i would have liked, but it was away from Watford which is all i needed.

These two made this week.
My brother and my surrogate brother.