Recently i've been covering up the truth more and more. Things aren't that simple when you have to do this and lie to people you love and treasure so dearly.
In all honesty, i wish i had the guts to tell the truth about certain aspects of my life, however there it is again, that annoying creepy little thing about being judged.
I am a person that constantly questions the "What if's" in life. What if i had done that, and what if i tell a certain person about what is really going on, will they back away or stay? That's the problem with the truth, you never know which way it is going to go.
Will that person accept the fact that you have tried to let them in to a hard and draining aspect of your life and take that as a compliment that they are able to trust you, OR will they back away and act differently around you.
The other day i was out in Sainsbury's where i saw a young couple in running gear, with their Berghaus rucksacks on their bag, debating over what loaf of bread to get. This is the kind of time and acceptance of a person i want in my life. I want to find that someone that will accept my difficult past as well as my difficult present and what hurdles i may have to over come in the future. Yes, i can't possibly bear to tell anyone about my issues as the last person i told totally took me for a ride and as always i ended up being the one that got hurt.
All in all, i wish i had the guts to tell people the truth, and struggles, however i don't have the guts to do so, and therefore i will judge and label myself as a pussy. Which yet again is another hurdle i must learn to overcome.
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